THE TURTLES - THE TURTLES PRESENT THE BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Tough record to sell to me this. As forgiving in nature as I am it is almost impossible to see past the fat speccy cunt that takes up half the sleeve. Not even Oliver Reed (Top Right) can help.  I have had this record forever and I cant remember where I got it from. I  manage to make mental note of the approximate price and origin of pretty much every record I have - because I am THAT exciting, but this one, hmmm, this one is a mystery. Maybe it was planted on me, or maybe it was always there, an unnoticed prop in my formative years, under my bed as a hormonal teen discovering myself with the help of some cheap magazine.

It's pretty unlikely though, I mean unless you really do buy into inter-dimensional travel and contemporary mystic symbolism. It is most probably just a first press of a late Turtles album, no special powers or insight into the continuum of the universe. That in mind let's treat it as such.

First off, despite that dire shambles of a man whose name I do not know totally spoiling not just this Turtles cover but every one that has a picture of the band on it, this is a pretty good album. I absolutely love the concept - Each track recorded as if the Turtles were in fact not the Turtles but some other non Turtles band. And each song recorded in the style of said non Turtles band.

Highlights in reverse order for no particular reason are:

Earth song - The closer, lovely brass opening and the kind of song that makes you momentarily consider recycling or becoming a vegetarian.

You Showed Me - The one with the swooping strings that appears on all of the 'Best of' albums. Beautiful song even if it does remind me of a Shampoo advert.

Buzzsaw - Sampled to fuck and never made use of to the blistering extent of the original. A total Fuzz guitar anthem, but then you already know it.

The rest of it veers from alright to embarrassing: They make a lousy Doo Wop group and an even worse African Tribal five-tet. Even if the 'King Kamanawana Laya' track does have some utterly killer drums on it the inane chanting and shitty sixties jock in-joke kill all efforts dead.

So do you really need this album? Do I really need this album? No. I'm just not sure I want to get rid of it. I've tried but it's what I'll call a yo-yo record, it goes in and out of the out pile on an almost monthly basis but always manages to stay, in no small part thanks to the genius of the closer 'Earth Amthem' a song which sits absolutely perfectly next to the version of the Byrds 'Child of the Universe' that appears on the 'Candy' O.S.T (Strangely and incidentally the only reason for owning that album)

On the off-chance that my copy of 'The Turtles Present The Battle of the Bands' is some how mystically connected, an integral piece of the jigsaw that is our very lives then, well, I suppose I should give it five out of a possible ten. Might be higher if it wasn't for you know who.

Seriously get a fucking haircut at least.